I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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