i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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