Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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