that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
