I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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