if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
