Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
