Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
