What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
