I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
