as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
