He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
