I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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