5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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