yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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