Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
