and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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