I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
