just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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