Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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