happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
