you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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