The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
