bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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