So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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