I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
