Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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