I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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