I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
