I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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