Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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