He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
