Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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