hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
