You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
sex in a hospital.. check
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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