I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
