shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
