I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
