I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
