Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Mom said you looked used
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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