i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
