he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
