I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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