i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
