I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
