Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Randomize
