did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
