I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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