I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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