maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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