Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My feet surprised me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
