yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
