69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
