are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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