You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
