I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
