I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
