I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
