so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
