i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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