it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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