Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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