he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
