I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
When did angry sex become our thing?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
