my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
