dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
