Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
