She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she looked like the before picture.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
