The maid of honor just puked.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
